There comes that point in your life which changes everything in the blink of an eye. For some, this moment comes only once in a lifetime and for some it shows its face time and again. I have been at a loss for words for quite a while now. So it gets difficult to write about that moment that you needed and yet feared the most. Its like the closure that you always wanted but are too afraid to step into because of the unknown.
The meaning of your existence changes, suddenly you’re moving from Path A to Path B way too quickly, you get acquainted to another side of you, there is a huge thunder in your ears (that only you can hear) and then…perfect silence. It’s not necessary that it shall catch you unaware. Me? I know for some time now that it has been there; but that split second moment of realization changes the meaning of life. You are not you anymore because you are not alone anymore. And you keep waiting for the other shoe to drop…
They call it Cherophobia nowadays; the fear of being happy, the fear of losing yourself in happiness. Now that is a weird aversion to have. People think what is so dangerous in a happy situation. Of course for you there isn’t, but for a person searching for proof of cracks in the wooden floor, for evidence of an unknown and (maybe) a non-existent reason for it to fail usually finds death in his/her backyard.
Another thing about these changing moments, they make you ponder over what has been done before. All the wrongs that one made right and all the empty spaces in between that were never filled up. You realize that all that is about to end.
You see. It’s simple math. If you learn to live in the dark, your pupils get adjusted to being that way; if exposed to light the eyes hurt and can’t stand the engulfing nature of purity anymore. Happiness to me is like daylight to those eyes.
There is hope it shall go away now… But it’s easier to break a heart than to mend.